Saturday, May 19, 2007

What Next for Two Shags?

We learn from Her Majesty's Daily Telegraph this morning that our revered Deputy Prime Minister is off on a valedictory trip to the USA and Caribbean this week accompanied by two press officer two private secretaries, a speechwriter and a phalanx of security staff - all travelling first class and staying in four star hotels. Prescott will be making three fifteen minute speeches during his trip - excellent value for money for the taxpayer I'd say.

Prezza's remark during PMQs this week that there are thousands of things he could do when he leaves office set me thinking. What exactly are they?

34 comments:

Mike H said...

Perhaps he could take up professional boxing?

sniper said...

Being as useless out of the Commons as he was init

Trumpeter Lanfried said...

He could conduct seminars on putting your hand up ladies' skirts.

achilles said...

Tour english language schools as an example of how not to speak english? (if that is what he speaks.....)

Anonymous said...

"This 'as the WOW FACTOR, now I 'ave a vision..."

said Prezza, gazing misty eyed into a hospitality tent on, yet another, of his huge, ever expanding, estates in Harlow few years ago.

"This is an infrastructural disaster and unsustainable", I shouted at him.

"Infra.. eh?"

A few days ago, I stood filming, as water flooded though this very same Harlow estate that Prezza had eulogised over.

Auntie Flo'

Ross said...

He's an oaf whose main hobby is groping women, so perhaps he could startt a Benny Hill style sketch show.

Anonymous said...

I fear that in the fullness of time we shall be addressing the man as The Rt. Hon Baron Prescott of Hull !

Anonymous said...

Prezza's 'wow factor' estate has turned into the Hammer Horror factor for those of us who live below it.

Prezza' should have been made to watch an Old Harlow woman and her dog jump, rather sharpishly, off of a public footpath, as countless thousands of gallons of rubbish strewn waste water flooded out of a large outlet pipe - from a 7,500 person (196 per hectare) section of one of his visionary, experimental estates.

This woman and I watched, stunned, as the path where the she had stood just moments previously, plus a small, empty, 'balancing pond' and a long stretch of grass were submerged by a swirling river of water and debris some 2-3 foot deep.

"My God, I was standing there just moments ago", she kept saying.

From there, this river flooded through a series of reed beds and on into, what used to be, one of Old Harlow's meandering country streams, turning it into a fast moving torrent which floods through a series of swirling weirs.

The flood water feeds into a large 'balancing pond' reservoir, which is always full, and which lies on land directly above my little cottage and a group of pensioners' bungalows.

A chanel runs downhill from that reservoir to the stream just a few feet from my cottage and the pensioners' homes.

Hundreds of Harlow people's entire streets, pavements, gardens and inside some poor soul's homes have been flooding on a regular basis down here in the flood plain since these estates were built.

Two Jags should forget about his taxpayer funded foreign junkets and return to Harlow to see the nightmare effect of his runaway, lunatic expansion on Harlow.

Perhaps I should send him a copy of my films?

Auntie Flo'

jailhouselawyer said...

Close the door on the way out?

Anonymous said...

I trust that Rory Bremner is, even now, writing the sketch involving the song:

"Woh!!...I'm going to Barbados. . . ."

mitch said...

as long as he goes thats enough for me.as to him being a lord/baron whatever can he afford it and who would ever call it him ?.

forthurst said...

Prescott is one of far too many people who have been enabled through their political connections to obtain the power to utilise their loathsome bigotry, pig ignorance and feeble brains in wasting vast amounts of public money on highly ieffective and in many cases deeply damaging 'initiatives' while they themselves lived the Life of Riley on the public purse.

jus' passin' thru' said...

jailhouselawyer said...
Close the door on the way out?

May 19, 2007 1:56 PM



That's right jailhouse. It's about time he was axed, eh?

Anonymous said...

This is the sort of waste of public money that pisses me more than anything. A lap of dishonour at our expense !

Anonymous said...

" accompanied by two press officer two private secretaries....."

It's about time he was called Noah.

Alan Douglas said...

Perhaps he could do an in-depth personal investigation as to the efficacy (F-what ?) of all the penis-expansion methods which spam contantly brings to my attention ?

I understand he is well equipped to benefit from any that might work ?

Anonymous said...

1000 Things to Do With a Retired Deputy Prime Minister:

No.479 - fly wedding champagne parties in a dirigable John Prescott over the Cotswolds

No.480 - Use him as a landfill site

No.481 - Set up a Museum of the Working Class in Blackpool and have Prezza in a cloth cap welcoming in the punters. ('Ere's the bath a used tuh kip mi cocaine in')

No.482 - Launch him as the new (unsinkable) Prescott Ferry between Hull and Reykjavik

No.483 Wrap him in fairy lights and place him in the central reservation of the M1 to warn of slowdowns ahead. Or just as a Christmas decoration.

No.484 Make him President of the World Bank - he has most of the requisite personal qualifications!

No.485 Fairground boxer against all-comers.

No.486 Doorman in Soho.

No.487 He could hire himself out as a bouncy castle for pub gardens at the weekends.


No.488 Finish one of the sentences he started in 1993.


No.489 Learn a new language - such as English.

Anonymous said...

perhaps one of your readers might put in a Freedom of Information enquiry on the cost of this

Big Ted said...

He could be the EU Lard Mountain!

It cost £millions in subsidies and nobody wants it!

Anonymous said...

He could scarcely be worse than Richard 'racist' Littlejohn whose new book has been savagely well satirised by John Crace in one of his digested reads...

http://books.guardian.co.uk/digestedread/story/0,,2079840,00.html

Anonymous said...

Richard Littlejohn...

The digested read, digested:
The stupid person's Jeremy Clarkson.

Anonymous said...

I suppose it is possible the trip was arranged before he knew when he would be stepping down...Reading the comments I have learnt more about Harlow than I ever thought possible.

Chris Paul said...

Sadly the comment I came here to see is no longer there. I'll have to blog a link to someone who archived it instead. It seemed really sharp actually. Polite, amusing, and reasonable proposals to boot.

jailhouselawyer said...

Chris Paul: I am glad that I archived it, I thought it was funny as well.

Chris Paul said...

Those proposals were:

- Reviewing papers when journalists short-handed
- Writing a blog diary
and
- A newspaper column on how women vote

Which all seemed useful suggestions for a non-MP with a hobbyist interest in politics.

tedfoan said...

It's not just Prezza on the look out for work. What about John "A Safe Pair of Fists" Reid? Then there's Patricia Hewitt - she'll need a safe berth too.

Maybe they could form a new consultancy called "Bashem, Trashem and Hashem" which would specialise in advising the government on aggressive marketing techniques, not-fit-for purpose audits and disaster recovery? Or maybe not...

Anonymous said...

Panto

Curly said...

He could join Tony and become a trader on Ebay. I suggest he starts with the croquet set.

Pogo said...

I'm surprised that anyone should suggest that he become Lord / baron Prezza, I thought that he was already enobled - I'm sure that I heard someone call him a Count the other day.

Roger Thornhill said...

Stick his head up a dead bear's bum?

Brownbadger said...

While Prescott and Blair are doing a "supermarket" dash at our expense, and Brown is spending six weeks travelling around the country making sure the local labour party members know who he is (or who he says he is!),who is governing?

Watch out for a stream of Labour initiatives over the next few weeks, complete non-runners,issued purely to absorb media space in the vain hope of convincing the Great British Public that the government is in, and hasn't merely left the lights on.

Iain , How about a £5 reward for every 'spin' initiative, spotted by your posters, issued by the Nulab proles over the next six weeks. Perhaps today's announcement, that GP's will be required to shop any of their patients who that they think may have a capability of violence, may be in line for the first £5....if so then please put it towards a new tie for Gordon.

Gordon is a moron said...

Pro celebrity mud wrestling.

Paleo said...

Why, oh why? (&c. &c. so forth and so on)

Anonymous said...

He can go to Hull!