Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Ten Signs You Have Joined the Establishment

One of these has happened to me this week...

10. You get a letter from Number Ten inviting you to accept a KCMG
9. You start reading the Court & Social page of The Times.
8. You get invited to speak at the Reform Club.
7. You eat Welsh Rarebit after dessert.
6. You believe William Rees-Mogg to be the world's greatest columnist.
5. You regard Nicholas Soames as a dangerous radical.
4. You don't remember the last time you had lunch without a fish course.
3. Your socks go up to your knees.
2. You are a member of more than one 'club'.
1. Your name is Robin Butler.

55 comments:

strapworld said...

Iain,

I guess it has to be socks!

Simon Harley said...

№ 8? It can't be № 6 as surely you regard him as the world's greatest columnist (yourself excluded) already? :p

If you went to Number Ten that would normally suggest you'd be paying for your K.C.M.G. in hrd cash...

sniper said...

Morning Robin, how's Batman?

Henry Mayhew said...

Arise Sir Iain.

Anonymous said...

Welsh rarebit comes after pudding, surely...

bj said...

I ALWAYS read the Court and Social page of the Times. I don't know why.

Paul Linford said...

How about:

10 You write a column in the Daily Telegraph
9 You get invited to draw up lists of the Top 50 most influential this, that and the other
8 Your blog is linked to by every paper on Fleet Street
7 You appear on TV night after night commenting on what's in the papers
6 You live in Tunbridge Wells
5 You regard Boris Johnson as a jolly nice chap
4 You don't remember the last time you had lunch without a lobby hack
3 You are launching your own politics magazine
2 You are a member of the A-list of Conservative Party candidates
1 Your name is Iain Dale

Ordovicius said...

Welsh rarebit AFTER dessert? Isn't there a law against that?

sockpuppet said...

OT, but I note that another day brings another attack by Simon Heffer on David Cameron.

I've now started to wonder if he's a (very bad) Labour stooge. Heffer, that is, obviously.

Paul Burgin said...

You must tell me where you buy your socks ;)

Niles said...

It somehow doesn't seem right that Downing Street would write to you about a KCMG - don't they sound you out by phone to ensure you're not going to refuse it and leave them with egg on their faces?

Anonymous said...

I know what is is, number 3.

Paddy Skarpetka

Anonymous said...

Tunbridge Wells?! It has to be the socks after the weight loss.

Anonymous said...

Better just to 'be' the establishment. If you have to ‘join’ you know that you'll never be at home there however hard you’ve aspired. Rather like the road sweeper being a valued member of the local hunt – not really – nudge nudge.

Newmania said...

I was at a local Party meeting last night and it was suggested , of your blog , that …. "His heart isn't in it any more".I would guess you have more important things to do like ‘speaking at the reform club‘.

Anonymous said...

11. you say pudding not desert.

machiavelli said...

Yes but have you accepted the KCMG?

mystic mogg said...

94 signs you have run clean out of ideas for your blog...

Adrian Yalland said...

Iain, where can you buy socks which go up to your knees? I would love some. Also, what about sock suspenders? I used to buy them at Dunn & Co, which seem to have vanished from the high street!

But Welsh Rarebit after desert.....shome mishtake surely?

Anonymous said...

"Raffles, to my surprise, walked in as though the marble hall
belonged to him, and as straight as might be to the grill-room where
white-capped cooks were making things hiss upon a silver grill. He did
not consult me as to what we were to have. He had made up his mind about
that in the train. But he chose the fillet steaks himself, he insisted on
seeing the kidneys, and had a word to say about the fried potatoes, and
the Welsh rarebit that was to follow."

If you have joined the establishment maybe you're only wanted on account of your batting!

dearieme said...

A savoury after dinner is a wondrous thing. I trust that you have also learned to use a little salt when making coffee, to put a little pepper on your strawberries, and never to take a knife to a croissant?

Talia said...

sorry, but the use of the "d" word instead of pudding is a giveaway you haven't joined the establishment

dirty european socialist said...

I dissagree with the Nicholas Soames point, he is a upper class buddy of prince charlie, and he is a tory surely if you supported him you would be seen as part of the establishment. He is more etablishment than anyone other than the queen. He is the establishment.

Jake said...

What's going to happen if Guido gets sent down tomorrow? Are you going to announce his blog's shutting down for x months or is someone going to take over? Someone needs to step in and continue his politician-bothering!

Mike Rouse said...

My money's on the socks too!! LOL

Old Dominion Tory said...

Iain will speak at the Reform Club and, after his political speech, announce that he is traveling around the world in eighty days. In his travels, he will be accompanied by his French valet, Jacques Chirac. John Prescott, who after "writing" his memoirs won't have much else to do, will doggedly pursue Iain in an attempt to thwart him from achieving his goal.
Carpet bag packed and ready, Iain?

Anonymous said...

why do none of the commenters think the reform club option is by far the most likely?

Bill Quango MP said...

Reform! Reform!

Penfold said...

Get shorter socks Iain.

Iain Dale said...

It's not the bloody socks!!!

wrinkled weasel said...

Sorry Iain, but there is nothing, simply nothing worse than wearing formal attire and showing a flaccid, alabaster hock. Get proper socks that reach the knee. Hardy Amies was an absolute stickler for this sartorial rule, and you don't get more establishment than that.

(My guess is the Reform Club)

Philipa said...

paul Linford - excellent!

Newmania - you never fail to make me smile in the best possible way.

Iain - the establishment seems all jobsworth wind and er.. hiss. Have you joined?

Anonymous said...

dirty european socialist said...
"I dissagree with the Nicholas Soames point, he is a upper class buddy of prince charlie,"

Isn't he due in court any day now to answer a whole string of motoring offences?

Anonymous said...

Sock suspenders? The mind boggles. Seriously, who uses such old man, old fashioned 'accessories' today? Isn't Iain too young and modern for such items?

verity said...

"It's not the bloody socks!!!"

Someone's miffed.

Colin said...

Shit! With the exception of not actually being Robin Butler, I am the establishment...

Anonymous said...

o/t, but looks like Guido may be dictating his blog as from tomorrow:

http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm200708/cmhansrd/cm080507/text/80507w0024.htm#0805087000481

Jake said...

@Anonymous 4pm Where's the reference to Guido?

It's pretty unlikely he'll be jailed as the prisons are full. On the other hand they may be desperate to make an example of him and release a murder or rapist to free up a place.

Anonymous said...

Colin said...
Shit! With the exception of not actually being Robin Butler, I am the establishment...

Not with that name, old chap.

Although on second thoughts, if you pronounce it 'Kowlin' as in Kowlin (Colin) Powell....

Anonymous said...

No Iain - one eats Welsh Rarebit before pudding (not dessert)

Old Dominion Tory said...

I am sticking with the Reform Club address, although what happens afterward probably will be much more prosaic than what I earlier predicted.

Islington Neil said...

It's No 8 (Reform Club invitation) and I claim my £10. This blog entry is tranparently just a (more elaborate than usual) vehicle for name dropping...! ;)

Anonymous said...

You hug a hoodie, vote green red and blue, work for the the BBC, become an outreach worker, get rich quick from the taxpayers, wreck the economy, think the EU is great, send your children to the best school you can, favour Islam over Christianity......and write a blog post entitled "Ten Signs You Have Joined the Establishment"

Anonymous said...

"Although on second thoughts, if you pronounce it 'Kowlin' as in Kowlin (Colin) Powell...."

..and Pole, (Powell) you could be in with a chance.

paul linford - perfect.

ak23566 said...

And, if you need to read a list to see if you qualify, then you can rest assured that you have not "joined the establishment".

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
"o/t, but looks like Guido may be dictating his blog as from tomorrow:"

What are you on about?

Johnny Norfolk said...

No 11 You have food stains on your tie.

12 You wear brown brouges with a city suit

13 You only drink French wine.

14 You go the the lavatory not the toilet

15 You only ever wear shoes with laces.

16 You take snuff and smoke Havana cigars.

17 you never drink water with ice and /or lemon

Anonymous said...

Nicholas Soames:
"Isn't he due in court any day now to answer a whole string of motoring offences?"

It was in court today. He was banned from driving for 2 months.

He got let off lightly. He was uninsured. He drove his unlicensed quad bike on the public highway, carrying a child perched precariously on the back and was towing a trailer crammed with adult passengers.

When it was later pointed out to him that it was illegal he just shrugged it off.

Unfortunately for him it was all recorded on video by hunt protesters.

Aarvark said...

7 (Welsh rarebit) and 9 (the Times) we can all do any time (and 3, the socks) and 6 (William Rees-Mogg) if you are daft enough.

No. 5, Nicholas Soames is certainly dangerous. He was up in court today and was banned from driving.

I think it is No.8 - the Reform Club.

Congratulations!

Anonymous said...

@anonymous 11.23

Guido pled guilty to his second drink driving offence and driving without insurance. Sentencing is today (Thursday). Depending on how harsh the judge is the maximum sentence in 6 months. Prisoners don't get internet access, hence the dictation.

Full story here: http://www.ministryoftruth.me.uk/2008/04/30/with-is-ead-tucked-underneath-is-arm/

verity said...

If it's The Reform Club, congratulations, Iain! (You should think about the socks, though. Few things more icky than a crossed trouser leg riding up over short socks.)

Anonymous said...

Oh dear , really what is the world coming too?

One does not join the establishment, one buys it!

epiglot said...

fyi, knee high merino socks can be bought from the sale counter of the gents hosiery dept at Harrods during the January sale, £39 for 2 pairs but last forever. they're really cosy too

Anonymous said...

Instead of keeping every one waiting, why don't you just ask people to 'look at me, look at me' oh, oh, everyone look at me'. Yawn.

wonkotsane said...

2. You are a member of more than one 'club'.

Please say you didn't get busy with Harriet Harman!