Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Pull the Other One, Mr Blunkett

The Sun's Whip column has a story about David Blunkett dreaming he was back in the Cabinet and being overcome with relief to wake up to discover he was still a mere backbencher.

I think most readers will think this is double-speak by Blunkett. Does anyone seriously believe that if he was offered another Cabinet job he wouldn't get Sadie* to bite Gordon Brown's hand off? He'd be back in his grace and favour apartment before you could utter the words "A bet on a third resignation, anyone?"

* Sadie is Blunkett's dog

18 comments:

judith said...

Ah, that would be the representative of the poor and dispossessed who owns a luxury cottage on the Duke of Devonshire's estate for which he claims 2nd home expenses?

Things to do instead of... said...

A bit like your own attempts to become an MP Iain...

Paul Linford said...

I think Blunkett would be looking for more than just a Cabinet job if he came back now.

machiavelli said...

Or indeed, before he could ask a young woman, "Have you seen my white stick?"

Albert M. Bankment said...

[puts tongue firmly in cheek]

Now, look here, Iain, if I want to read the Sun [although that is something of an oxymoron in itself] I will read the the Sun. Please stop recycling its guff. Today, we have already had you telling us of the execrable has-been chancer Venables pontificating about a has-been, alky, wife-beating knuckle-dragger sportsman, who was briefly quite talented 15-20 years ago. Indeed, and to adapt slightly the words of Edgar Allan Poe, "to speak algebraically, Mr. V. is execrable, but Mr. G. is (x+1)ecrable".

Here we have the doubly has-been, priapic, grasping, self-righteous, hypocritical Blunkett's latest desperate attempt to stop people forgetting all about him, and thereby to maintain his plummeting market-rate as a commentator. Blunkett is , in my view, (x+2)ecrable.

I really don't want to read the drivel that appears in the Sun, even at second-hand through your blog. It's a ... a ... fu ... an intercoursing comic, Iain. It's simply sport, soaps and tits. Sport [which for the Sun is merely football] is written about better everywhere. Soaps are substitutes for life, for people who can't think. Tits are admittedly lovely things, but are better presented all over the interweb, and free.

Furthermore, if Guido is to be believed, all its political commentary and gossip is plagiarised from better places - and God knows there a whole intercoursing universe full of better places than that wretched, flaccid rag. Among the red-tops, for me it has the same dishonourable status as the Daily Mail has among the [fractionally] more serious papers. I'd feel less shame if I were caught reading the Daily Sport than either of them.

[removes tongue from cheek and blows defiant raspberries at Rupert Murdoch]

curly15 said...

Perhaps he too was dreaming of helping "Captain Britain"?

Anonymous said...

Hmm.. A fair point, Mr Dale, but I did hear him on the wireless a couple of days ago and he was referring to the fact that he'd had enough of the intrusion into his private life.

He may have been bluffing, but he did sound pretty sincere to me - and I'm tempted to believe he wouldn't be in the queue to have the likes of the 'News of the World' truffling around his female friends for a 'Max Mosley' style expose complete with 'bra-cams'.

Anonymous said...

Cheap crack about the grace-and-favour apartment.

I suppose the members of the next Tory cabinet will all continue to live in their own homes, rather than accept the perks of the job?

Yeah, right.

K said...

I think you're wrong, Iain. Blunket's not a fool and he knows Labour's on its way out. Who wants to be part of that? Nope, Mr Blukett looks very happy and very relaxed these days and I think he wants to keep it that way.

Jonathan M. Scott said...

Whoever said "All political careers end in failure" needs to have a word with Blunkett.

Richard Havers said...

Is this the same David Blunkett who is happy to appear on TV with Gordon Ramsey in his new series? What I want to know is how come he has the time to do it? Doesn't he have a full time job?

Penfold said...

Might be a daydream for him, for anyone else its a bloody nightmare.

Anonymous said...

Iain: "He'd be back in his grace and favour apartment before you could utter the words "A bet on a third resignation, anyone?""

Nearly right Iain - he'd actually be there before you could say:
"A bet ..."

Self-delusion.

Zeddy said...

***I suppose the members of the next Tory cabinet will all continue to live in their own homes, rather than accept the perks of the job?***

The difference being I suspect that the Tories tend not to have built a political career on the back of attacking people who have nice houses.

Shaun said...

Isn't that precisely the kind of reckless behaviour they are trying to discourage in dog owners?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7432729.stm

Or will new laws only apply to kids in hoodies and not scumbags in suits? I think we should have a law against these dangerous ex-Home Secretaries...

Geoff said...

Pull The Other One

A blind prostitute moved in to my street recently.

You've gotta hand it to her...

Paul Pinfield said...

What's This? A mention in the Whip column AND an appearance on the F Word last night (he lost BTW).

Perhaps we are seeing the beginnings of an attempted media career... Any advice Iain?

Raedwald said...

So how many copies of his truly dreadful autobiography did they actually sell? I heard 3,500 before they went into the remainder bins and pound shops but this could be a calumny. Clearly as you explained recently the publishers made their dosh from Sunday serialisations and radio stuff.

Now that Labour's big names will all be looking for publishing deals before they disappear from public memory, some inside info on the state of the memoirs market would be very welcome, Iain.